going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
