Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
