I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
