I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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