i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize