EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
