I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How does one acquire holy water?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
