my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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