She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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