Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
