I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
