my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You left your phone here
Wait...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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