WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize