i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
