Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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