her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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