There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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