i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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