Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
