sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My balls are so social today.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
