God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
