For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
