I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
