dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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