I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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