He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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