she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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