Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
