We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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