I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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