i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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