remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize