Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
