I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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