I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
