Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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