i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
