the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
