I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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