your parents love me but you hate me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
