Will you blow on my dice?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize