Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
