Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
