Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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