I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
