we have officially lost it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
