hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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