So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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