Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize