lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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