you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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