I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
