I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
