also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
