dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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