hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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