I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did not marry a roomba.
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