there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will be naked everywhere
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize