Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
