i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
