So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
