They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
