Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
