you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just pee around me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
