Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
