glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
